With the divorce rate staggeringly high, providing security for children can be challenging. It can also be done. The balance comes in providing opportunities for children to have a healthy relationship with their father in an environment where they are respected and permitted to respectfully voice their feelings and opinions.

In high school, my best friend was Marti. Her parents, like mine, had divorced when it wasn’t particularly fashionable. Her father, Will, remains the best example of fathering while not in the home that I’ve ever seen.

Though Will lived an hour away, he treated Marti’s mother with kindness and respect. He offered to help and fill in with the children wherever she needed support. He didn’t push, demand, or bully. It was never about his rights and was always about nurturing, providing for, and loving his children.

Marti’s mom moved to an apartment near our school and she returned to work. After school each day, Marti’s dad called, asked about school, and coached Marti on her homework. When she wanted to buy a car, Will arranged and paid for a safety inspection, new tires, and regular maintenance. Every other weekend he invited Marti and her boyfriend, now husband, to his home where they enjoyed time together. When Marti married, her dad was a second pair of experienced eyes as they considered which home to purchase. Looking to their future, he began and oversaw their investment portfolio and paid for the couple and their children to come on yearly vacations.

He gently parented Marti without being spiteful to her mother. Never demanding, he proved himself trustworthy as a father and created a lifelong relationship with his daughter, her husband, and his grandchildren. Will behaved like a mature, caring adult. He took responsibility to develop and maintain a benevolent parent relationship with his daughter. He gave love, guidance, finances, and time without attaching strings of obligation. Marti knew she could count on him.

Will purposefully sustained a healthy relationship with his daughter. The ripple effect was that I observed a caring father and reaped the benefits in my peaceful and secure friendship with Marti.

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